she looked like the bat from fern gully.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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