Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
