Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
