OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
