cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
