How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
