If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Floor bacon is actually really good
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
