My brain says no but my pants say off.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
