tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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