We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
third nipple confirmed
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
