Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
