just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Randomize
