we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You may now shotgun with the bride
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
