Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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