dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
