He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Just invented taco cereal.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
