I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
