I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
My ass is underappreciated
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
