Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
it's like heaven, but drunker
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
