did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Congratulations! We have a period
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
