the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
