she is the kim kardashian of front butts
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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