Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
