the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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