Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
