The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
