I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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