You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
