I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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