ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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