I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
