I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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