4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
