names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
