i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize