I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
