I faked an abortion last night.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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