matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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