So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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