I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
