At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
This toilet bowl is my home.
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