we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
