Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I deserve this hangover.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
