Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
