She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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