So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
