there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
