Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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