don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
