What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
