He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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