Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
