atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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