ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
