if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
