I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
