maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
