We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
