Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
