Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
