I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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