May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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