I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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