I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
