Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize