Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
