sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
