This dress was meant to end up on your floor
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
