Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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