You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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