dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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