my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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