Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
