i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
