If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
