im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
