also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Randomize
