i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize