There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize