Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
