Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
