I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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