if you like me you must not know who I am
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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