I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
