I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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