I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
