She's JV to your varsity
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize