I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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