He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
