we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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