someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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