It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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