belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
