dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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