You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Don't make out with my wife yet
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
