hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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