ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Say something about gay babies.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize