Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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