I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
