So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
