I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
