Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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