I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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