So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
