I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I just gargled with NyQuil
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
