I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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