Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
porn star boner night. come get it.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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