i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
