Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
