nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize