we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Randomize